


Nasty Patty

by CapsicleGames



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, FrostIron - Freeform, M/M, Tony centric, everything is crazy, loki is scary, spongebob au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-12
Updated: 2015-11-12
Packaged: 2018-05-01 07:18:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5197163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapsicleGames/pseuds/CapsicleGames
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony is on the verge of another panic attack: there’s a body under his feet and it is his fault that it’s there. He helped murder a health inspector with his manager and now has to cover it up. What makes things worse is that his frightening superior has done this several times before, and for some reason, thinks it’s completely normal to bury bodies in the rain. Loki seems to know how to handle the situation, but should Tony trust him? Spongebob AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nasty Patty

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to lomezzo for wonderful art and gamesandgoldenapples for beta’ing this. Thanks!

 

 

** **

 

**October 15, 2015 – 6:23:34 pm**

Tony was certain of three things that were fucked up in his life:

       One, he was only twenty and living off generic brand ramen noodles from the discount store because he couldn't afford standard packets. He was so poor, he sometimes asked the cashier to pitch in a dollar so he could eat for the night. It was embarrassing.

       Two, he absolutely hated the hickey his manager gave him. He knew he had to deal with it because he needed a raise; it was just sex. It was a shame. Hickies were so eighth grade, something you’d give your first girlfriend on the playground, but if it meant he could eat later, he’d have to bear with it.

       Three, said manager was definitely a confirmed serial killer, and it had taken Tony two whole years to find out. Tony shouldn’t have cut himself off from Howard. He wasn’t going to make it on his own.

"Stark, we have a body to move," Loki said nonchalantly to his black nails. He spoke as if he buried health inspectors every day and it was as mundane as watering the front lawn.  He made everything psychopathic sound mundane. "Do make yourself useful and help out."

       A rusty shovel was shoved in his hands. Tony had no clue where it even came from - they walked all the way to the isolated hill on their own with the body in tow. Maybe Loki was magic. Maybe he pulled it right out of his ass.

"Don't just stand there like an idiot!" His manager was already dragging the body to the top of the hill and he looked over his shoulder to add, "We got about an hour before the body starts stinking."

       Tony was going to puke. He didn’t get paid enough for this.

**October 15, 2015 – 12:05:02 pm**

“Welcome to the Krusty Krab, may I take your order?” Tony said with genuine enthusiasm for once.

He was just given an extra shift because Steve came to work sick and somehow puked all over the grill. It was messy and Bruce was called in to replace him, but Bruce never showed up. His manager wasn’t fond of the idea of leaving Tony by himself until closing, but he had no other choice and had his hands full with other stuff. More work for Tony, but he needed more work. More work meant more money.

He gave the chubby blonde in front of him a toothy smile and waited patiently as she glanced up at the menu even though she had been looking five minutes before. He watched her play with a ring on her finger before she noticed she was fiddling, and subtly slipped it off to pocket it.

“Uh,” she said quietly and Tony drummed his fingers on the cash register. “I…what would you suggest?”

“Hmm,” Tony hummed, looking her up and down while she blushed. “For a cute face like yours? You’re having a number two with a sparkling lemonade on the house.”

She giggled and Tony managed to slip the free drink to her while she wrote down her number on her receipt. When he returned with her food prepared she blew him a kiss. Oh yeah, he was having a good day for once. Extra shift, a number, not too many people in the restaurant, he was on fire! He could conquer the world with the mood he was having.

His manager’s office door opened and the man stood right in the doorframe. Tony’s enthusiasm was shot dead with a bullet. Loki Laufeyson was a six-foot tall Nordic man full of salt and enough daddy issues to rival Tony’s own.

Somehow Loki managed to have astronomical issues times two, all of which currently stemmed from the fact that he hated the job that he was forced into by his father. He would rather be designing purses for Louis Vuitton. He let every employee know that he couldn’t care less about managing a fast food joint, especially his family’s. Because his father was paying him a pretty penny, he was just going to suffer through it for the time being until he found a way out.

Because he was “suffering” he used everyone as his verbal punching bag. Of course he always apologized at the end of every week though, but the damage was still done. He was a volatile man who had the mood swings of a pregnant woman and could be either a raving hydra dick monster or the charming gentleman that Tony really liked. He seemed to be going for raving mega-ultra dick at that moment.

Loki stood in his doorway with clenched fists and glared at the entire restaurant. He stood there for a long pause, seething in silent rage. Finally he snapped his attention over to Tony and motioned for him to get into the office. Shit.

“Stark, I need to talk to you right now.”

“Okay, sure thing boss man, I got you,” Tony said and frantically locked up the cash register.

“Hurry up and get your ass back there,” Loki hissed and stepped back into the office himself. “You don’t get paid to look pretty.”

Tony sighed and moved away from his station. The chubby blonde from earlier watched with puppy eyes from her table across the room and mouthed, will you be okay?

He forced a chuckle, then a smile, and then replied with a quick, I’m totally fucked.

**October 15, 2015 – 12:27:52 pm**

He wasn’t even lying. He was literally, totally fucked.

       Loki had him spread out on his back on top of his desk, his arms pinned to his sides while Loki finished pounding into him with a low moan. Tony felt his breath on his neck as Loki leaned forward to plant light kisses from below his ear to his collar bone. Tony didn’t know how to register his sudden tenderness, especially considering how his clothes were practically ripped right off his body as soon as the door closed behind him. He had been thrown onto the desk, hastily prepared, and fucked senseless like a feral dog.

The news played in the background on the mini television screen Loki had in a corner. The current story broadcasting was a study about romantic relationships, sex, and how most are initiated in certain age groups. It sounded vaguely interesting, but not too much. It was kind of annoying because the reporter sounded like she was nagging instead of actually reporting. Tony only paid half attention to it because Loki moved on to his nipples and stroked his chest.

       For a second, Tony wondered if Loki was starting to develop feelings for him because this wasn’t the first time this happened...but that was ridiculous because Tony’s main purpose as an employee at the Krusty Krab was to be Loki’s sexual punching bag. He was getting paid to flip burgers and a little extra on the side as compensation for spontaneous sex. That’s all. He didn’t sign up for weird afterglow kisses. He didn’t think he’s mind having anything else with Loki, he was a handsome man afterall, but it would be inappropriate. Fucking his manager was okay. Dating him? That’s too far.

       “I needed that,” Loki breathed and leaned back to look Tony in the eyes. He looked him over before pulling out and zipping his pants, leaving Tony still hard on the desk. The look in his manager’s eyes suddenly hardened and turned away with a slight huff. “Finish yourself or clean up, I don’t care, but you have a job to do, Stark. Come on, stop laying around.”

       Douchebag. Tony rolled his eyes and quickly got dressed while Loki watched on with crossed arms. He couldn’t believe he actually feared that maybe Loki wanted more from him. What a prick.

       “I have some unfortunate news,” Loki started as Tony smoothed out his scarlet button-up shirt and adjusted the black uniform cap over his hair. This was obviously the cause of the stress Loki had to relieve. Tony held his breath; this meant Loki’s father was involved. “We’re having a surprise health inspection.”

       “Wait, what?” Tony blinked. Not quite what he thought, but just as bad. “I thought we were done with inspections. Like, we finished that two months ago. The Krusty Krab is the cleanest burger hole in the city, thanks to none other than me doing the old spit n’ shine.”

       “But that’s not the point of this inspection, Stark. God, you are so idiotic. You should know by now that nothing is ever so simple here,” Loki pinched the bridge of his nose.

       Tony wanted to bring up the fact that he was definitely not idiotic considering he was going to MIT, already had several patents on inventions he made while he was still in diapers, and was a whiz with robotics. But, he elected to bite his tongue, something he learned to do long ago when he broke off from Howard. He still rolled his eyes and gave his manager a look.

       “I mean, this isn’t about cleanliness anymore,” Loki amended. Tony nodded.

       “Someone wants to shut us down then.”

       “Exactly,” Loki said. “I heard that there are some new players to the executive scene and they wish to test my father. He’s unaware.”

       “They want to see how hard they can kick. Pretty cliché plan there, and not going to work. We have strong legs, we can take whatever ball they kick at us. We’re good goalies.”

       Loki chuckled sarcastically, “That’s cute.”

       “What?”

       “You’re too optimistic and disillusioned. We have no strength – we are the weakest legs on the whole team. We’re an easy target, just look at us. We’re all a band of misfits who could care less about our jobs but we need the money,” Loki said. “And don’t you find it a little odd that they picked today of all times to do a surprise inspection? When we’re down to me and you as the only crew members?”

       “Are you suggesting someone let them know to call in an inspector today?” It could only be a coincidence. Loki was a paranoid guy and always looked over his shoulder, he had to be kidding. “You think we have a double agent?”

       Loki nodded with such certainty that Tony snorted. So Loki wasn’t kidding.

       “Like you said, we all need to work here, so I doubt anyone would potentially sabotage their own job.”

       “It was Bruce.”

       “What? Bruce wouldn’t, he can’t even beat Leafgreen and he’s been playing it for five years. I doubt he’s capable of espionage.”

       “Bruce would and he did. He knows that we only have you in today, he didn’t come here, and he got another job at some pottery place on the other side of town because he can start out with a good wage. It’s no secret that he hates me to my core and wished he could fight me without risk of losing his job,” Loki huffed. “He also chopped off his fingertip a few months ago and doesn’t wish to work in such a hazardous environment anymore. Now, you need to listen to me because the inspector is here.”

       “What?” Tony watched as Loki turned his head slightly and sniffed at the air with a look of confirmation.

       “Drakkar Noir,” he said it with a perfect accent. “That’s him. I’m going to clean up the kitchen as fast as I can because I know it looks like a pigsty whenever you’re working in it. For the meantime, I want you distract him as best as you can.”

       “You can smell him?! What the hell?”

Tony was creeped out, like really creeped out. One, Loki knew more about Bruce than Tony did, and Tony was supposed to be good friends with the guy! He didn’t know that Bruce had an accident in the kitchen. Yeah, the guy was quiet and kept his personal life a complete mystery, but he definitely would have told Tony something as big as losing the tip of a finger! And two, apparently Loki somehow knows what cologne the inspector wears? Apparently he could smell the man straight through the walls. It was some magic, supernatural, creepy bullshit.

       “I’ll explain later,” Loki waved it off. “Remember to stall him, flirt with him, seduce him if you have to.”

Loki paused and turned back to Tony. His eyes scanned him quickly before settling on Tony’s crotch. His eyes flickered back up. “Don’t sleep with him if you don’t have to.”

       And then Loki wrenched open the office door to come face-to-face with a man in a crisp suit and clipboard. He looked really greasy with long brown hair in a messy man-bun and scraggly stubble that was incredibly unprofessional in his attire. Tony swept his eyes across the man’s prosthetic hand next, and caught a glint of silver under his sleeve.

He was an interesting health inspector, Tony would give him that. He didn’t exactly look like health inspection was his profession, more like he rolled in off the streets to pose as one. His movement was...odd. Too controlled. His eyes constantly flicked around the room, taking everything in. He slipped around the restaurant with a quiet presence. Customers smiled at him politely and allowed him to look around undisturbed. Loki growled next to Tony.

“You’re being fucking creepy,” Tony mumbled and Loki ignored him.

The health inspector was already poking around one particular table still covered in orange soda and old straw wrappers. He poked at it with a pen before scrunching up his nose and scribbling down notes onto a pad he had in his arms. Shit. Tony could feel Loki deducting some of his hard earned bonus just for that.

The inspector suddenly bent down to peer underneath the table – he scrunched his whole face this time and scribbled more rapidly. Loki bristled beside him.

“He’s disgusting,” Loki literally growled like an animal again. Tony was used to it; his boss had a tendency to snarl and hiss at everything if caught on a bad day, which unfortunately, was often. “He’s wearing a suit that doesn’t even fit him for goodness sakes! He’s supposed to be grading us on the way we present ourselves, yet he doesn’t spare a thought about his shoulders.”

“Y’know, not everyone is Barney Stinson and can afford to get a closet full of tailored suits.” He rolled his eyes.

Tony couldn’t even afford a decent blazer. The one he used to interview in for the job ruined forever ago, and even then it didn’t fit him well enough. But this wasn’t fashion week or a runway and the health inspector could show up in a trash bag if he wanted to. He didn’t care. Of course he bit his tongue and didn’t voice that out loud.

“Well, he could fucking try!” Loki looked ready to murder someone. Tony rolled his eyes, remembering his manager’s weakness and snobbiness for high fashion. He didn’t get paid enough for this.

**October 15, 2015 – 6:37:41 pm**

Tony kept digging the hole while a light rain fell on his shoulders and fog started to cover the ground. They managed to drag the body all the way to the side of an obscure road in town that no one used. There was a small hill that Loki eagerly pointed out as a good place to dig because the ground was covered in soft dirt, while everything surrounding was hard stone.

Tony debated whether or not he should throw the shovel down and run as far away as possible. There was the option of whipping out his phone to dial Howard’s number, maybe get out of this mess while he still could. He could get on his knees and beg his father for a second chance, to be allowed back at home, and he’d exist as a ghost in the mansion. Maybe it wouldn’t be a good decision, but burying a body wasn’t one either.

Tony wasn’t a religious man, but he was ready to drop down to his knees and ask whatever god that was up there for forgiveness for his sins. He had done many horrible things in his life, made many mistakes, but killing an innocent man, stowing his body in a freezer, and burying it off the side of an obscure road with a serial killer really took the cake. He would have to call his best friends and let them know he managed to become a bigger screw-up than they thought was ever possible. They would be so disappointed in him; Pepper would be surprised that Tony had it in him to kill, while Rhodey would his wrap his arms around him and never let go. Him and Rhodey would have more in common, though at least Rhodey had a valid reason in war while Tony killed a man only doing his job.

He was a disappointment. He was only twenty. He was a murderer. He puked, the contents of his lunch from earlier spilling all over the ground. His body was shaking and spots of black covered the corners of his vision. Tony was going to die, he was sure of it. The air felt too heavy in his lungs.

“Breathe.” Hands were on his shoulders, circles made through the fabric of his shirt, and Loki breathed beside his ear to demonstrate. “Breathe in; breathe out. It’s all okay.”

“But it’s not! It is not okay we killed someone. He’s dead for such a stupid reason!” Tony lowered to the ground to dry heave. Loki followed him down and kept his fingers massaging.

“Breathe, Tony. This isn’t your fault. You were just doing what you were told.”

That didn’t make anything better. That only made things worse.

“We were just fucking around, Tony,” Loki soothed, brows creased with general concern and Tony could hear a hint of remorse his manager’s tone. “It was just a prank, that was all. We don’t know what killed him, but we were just fucking around.”

“Don’t you dare try to excuse this,” Tony said, and tried to control the shaking in his voice. He hadn’t had an anxiety attack in months and this was the worst he’d had so far in his life. He was still trying to wrap his head around what happened. How could they fuck up this bad?

“I don’t think what we did is a crime - it was just an innocent prank.”

“How can you say that? Murder is literally a crime, it’s not cool, Loki! You can’t just go around murdering people because you feel like it!”

“Why not?” Loki said, “You’re having a natural reaction, you know. It’s always hard the first time.”

“Just shut up!” Tony pushed him away and tried to balance himself. “Shut up! Not everyone is a crazy psychopath like you, Loki. Leave me alone, I didn’t ask for this.”

“Accidents happen, people die, that’s what they do eventually. Stop being a pussy about it, Tony,” Loki placed his hands on Tony’s shoulders again, firmer this time. “What happened has happened and is now our past. We need to take care of it now.”

The rain picked up and it actually started to storm. Tony scrubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand, glad to have an excuse to now that there was plenty of water hitting his face. Loki watched on, his usual cool facade breaking with small twitches of the corners of his lips as he watched Tony try to keep it all together. Loki cradled his face in his hands and wiped away some of his tears. They lingered with the rain drops, traveled down to his facial hair, and then dripped off the edge of his chin.

“You are so young, I forget that,” Loki said. “I am sorry; I have ruined your life. I promise you, Anthony Stark, that I will fix it. I’ve done this before, remember? I know how to fix this. All of it.”

**October 15, 2015 – 12:35:37 pm**

“Sir, I’m sorry but I’m here on strictly business,” the health inspector said and adjusted his tie. “I need you to step back so I can begin my inspection of the kitchen.”

“Are you suggesting something here?” Tony said with a fake gasp and stood in front of the kitchen door. He just needed to drag the health inspector on for a few more seconds for Loki. So far the only responses Tony got from this guy were short and reminders that he was here to do his job. Somehow Tony’s usual charm wasn’t working and it was pissing him off. “Are you… flirting with me?”

The inspector - he claimed his name was “Mr. Barnes” - gave him what had to be his signature blank stare. There was absolutely no emotion in his eyes or face and he was the epitome of a slab of slate. It gave Tony the creepy crawlies, and Tony made a mental note to  maybe investigate a new place to work because he kept getting horrible vibes. He then canceled that note and reminded himself that he could barely afford good ramen and this job was flexible enough for his student schedule. He’d have to deal.

Tony stroked the inspector’s prosthetic arm and raised a brow, only to be swat off without a word. Ouch, that actually hurt his pride a little bit. Who exactly was this guy? Everyone fell for Tony, even Loki seemed to have an ounce of something for Tony. Why wasn’t the inspector asking for his number yet? He was typically irresistible because hey, he was hot. He shot Barnes his best smoulder as a last ditch effort but the inspector only continued to stare at him, this time disdain clouding his eyes. He had managed to poke a stick at him at least.

“You’ll come around,” Tony waved it off and stepped aside so that they could enter the kitchen. “This is where all the magic happens, take note.”

Loki looked up from where he was washing his hands and his face slipped back into a charming smile. Mr. Barnes nodded vaguely in his direction before gesturing for them to leave the room and allow him to inspect without them present for a few minutes. In the meantime, Tony cleaned up after the last customer when they left. Loki made sure the restaurant was closed for the time being, just so the inspector could work in peace.

Barnes appeared five minutes later with his clipboard and took a moment to survey the restaurant before he jotted more notes down. The restaurant wasn’t in the cleanest condition, thanks to being just two employees to manage it, but it wasn’t too bad either. Tony managed to make the circular tables shine with some extra elbow grease and he picked up every scrap of straw paper he could find. The lights were functional, the soda machines were freshly wiped, the trashcans were beginning to overflow but not drastically so. There shouldn’t be any issue with the Krusty Krab.

“Everything appears fine,” Barnes said quietly. His eyes flickered down to Tony’s pants. Tony looked up from scrubbing at a window and raised a brow. “Your fly is open.”

“Don’t dock any points from my grade,” Shit, Tony forgot to zip up from before in the office. He fixed his error and looked the inspector in the eyes. “I just came from the bathroom. I wasn’t serving anything with my fly down like a heathen, I swear.”

The inspector only stared at him. There was silence. Tony scratched the back of his neck.

“Is there anything else you need from us? Anything that needs to be typed up and handed to you?” Loki spoke up and the inspector actually gave him a slight grin (which was not fair).

“I just need to sample your menu and then I’ll be on my way.”

**October 15, 2015 – 6:59:00 pm**

When they finished covering the body with dirt, they stepped aside from the makeshift grave and shared a long moment of silence.

Thankfully, Tony had finally gotten himself stable and able to function without his gag reflex going off every five minutes. Loki stood with him as they looked over their handiwork, his long arms wrapped around Tony with his head resting on his shoulder. It was comforting, though he still thought it odd that the manager insisted on physical contact with him. Whatever, it didn’t matter. He needed it badly.

“Should we say a few words for him?” Tony asked after a few more beats of silence.

“You want to do what?”

“Final, closing words. You can’t just...let the dead be dead without a quick funeral of sorts,” Tony reasoned. “Well, not people you’ve killed.”

“That doesn’t make any sense. In fact, that sounds rather demented.”

“Woah, okay, you did not just call my idea demented,” How was he demented?! Loki was demented! Though his body was warm pressed against Tony’s soaked uniform, and he enjoyed the closeness, Loki was still a serial killing crazy maniac. He was quickly becoming a problematic favorite of Tony’s. “I’m saying a few words and you’re going to say something too. It’s the least we can do, okay? We ended this guy’s life so abruptly.”

“Fine. Go ahead and give your eulogy.”

“I will,” Tony looked down at the makeshift grave and folded his hands gravely. He felt Loki’s full focus on him and not on the body beneath their feet. Tony mentally snorted; what an asshole. Loki didn’t have an ounce of respect for the dead. “Didn’t know him, but he was probably a good guy and a good health inspector.”

There was a long pause.

“Is that all you’re going to say, Tony?”

“Actually, yeah. I didn’t realize how hard this would be. We literally didn’t know shit about him and he didn’t really like me. Or talk to me. This was a horrible plan.”

“Indeed.”

“You have to say something too.”

“What, why?” Loki rolled his eyes. “I swear you make no sense sometimes.”

“It’s a form of closure and I don’t want to look stupid doing it by myself.”

“He was the greatest health inspector that ever lived. You satisfied?”

“So young,” Tony shook his head sadly. “I wonder -”

“Attention, this is the police!”

Both men jumped and put their hands up. A police car drove up to them with sirens blaring. Tony was on the verge of a full blown attack again and tried to angle his face so that the lights weren’t hitting his eyes. In doing so, he noticed something odd about the grave…

The dirt had become mud. Some of the mud starting rolling downhill. He nearly shrieked as the health inspector’s dead body slowly started to become uncovered. He didn’t bury it deep enough! Tony jumped on the body and kicked out the mud in an attempt to recover some parts.

Loki noticed him shuffling around. He looked down at the ground and turned paler than Tony thought was possible. He quickly mouthed, fuck get the bag, and started to kick away some of the dirt from the body. They were going to have to bring it with them. Luckily, they were uphill where the police couldn’t see what they were doing. But they didn’t have too long. Tony unzipped the duffel bag. Loki pushed the body towards him. Tony’s hands slipped and fumbled.

What a lovely day.

**October 15, 2015 – 1:15:31 pm**

“And did the voluptuous inspector enjoy his meal?” Tony collected his trash and set a new cup of water on the table for him to drink. Barnes rolled his eyes but gave a satisfied nod and stretched himself before responding.

“So far, so good. I just need to try a plain Krabby Patty and then the inspection will be finished.”

Finally, Tony thought, exhausted from having to cook up a variety of items for the inspector to just pick over. He wiped up his table and retreated to Loki’s office to relay his manager with the news. Loki was just hanging up his phone when Tony threw open the door. He had the television volume turned up on the news.

“He said he just needs one plain Krabby Patty and we’ll be done with the inspection,” Tony said. “I think we’re doing well because the guy actually smiled.”

“That is exactly what I want to hear!” Loki sighed with relief and dramatically tossed his phone aside. “We’re off the hook too! My brother just confirmed that this is not a spy because he has already taken care of a few things up top.”

“That’s great!” Tony said. “So Bruce isn’t actually connected?”

“No,” Loki confirmed. “You did good today, I’ll admit. Since you’re the only employee of actual use, I’m giving you a raise.”

Now that is what Tony wanted to hear! He was just about to plant a kiss right on him when there was a loud emergency tone from the television. They turned to it.

The news anchor was standing in front of a plain blue background, yelling urgently.

* * *

Breaking news!

There is a man posing as a health inspector in order to get free food! If you see a man dressed in a suit doing a surprise inspection, then he is most likely an imposter.

* * *

They both paused to process the news and Loki turned sharply to face Tony. He looked pissed off. No, he looked like he was slipping into one of his crazed fits of anger and Tony wasn’t sure whether he should run away or not. He didn’t know if his anger would be directed at him or…

“I can not believe we have been tricked,” Loki spat. “A man in a suit decides to throw a “surprise inspection” just to get a free meal? What a shitty play! We had to cook all that food and clean this hell up just for him to take advantage of us? It’s brilliant, but I do not like being taken advantage of.”

“What do you want to do about it?” Tony said. He was going to tread lightly on this. “Should I tell him to leave immediately or enlist him in kitchen duty to clean up the dishes? And I can call the police and have him arrested-”

“No,” Loki interrupted, and punched the wall. “No. Tony?”

“Yes, dear overlord and overseer of my paycheck?”

“How about we play a little game with our dear imposter friend?”

He looked at Tony with a crazed smile and Tony shivered. Oh yeah, Loki was in his angry manic mood. Fortunately, his craziness wasn’t directed at him. Thank goodness.

“What do you have in mind?”

Loki only smiled more in response. “If that bastard wants a free Krabby Patty, we’ll damn well give him one.”

**October 15, 2015 – 7:01:00 pm**

"Need a ride?"

Tony blinked twice and found himself at a loss for words. He had the sudden urge to throw his hands up in relief because he wasn't going to get arrested for murder. Or at least, so far he wasn’t going to get arrested for murder. They still had the body on them, wrapped up in the large duffel bag that Tony had slung over his back. It was obviously suspicious, especially at the angle he hunched over, and he caught the officers eying their cargo. Fuck.

There were two officers in the patrol car, both of which Tony immediately recognized because they were regulars at the Krusty Krab. The driver who he knew more, Officer Romanoff, was a woman with neat red curls and had Russian words tattooed on her arm. She was smiling for once, as opposed to her usual stern demeanor whenever she ordered a number two. Tony supposed she was just stern to him because he tried pickup lines on her that one time when he was new.

She wriggled her eyebrows from behind the wheel and playfully hit her partner in the arm. Barton was a sandy-haired man who was relatively easy going and sometimes brought in his dog. He and Romanoff seemed to have a “thing” for each other, and he always gave Tony a stern look whenever he tried to flirt with Romanoff. Barton would remind Tony of how Romanoff could kick his ass sitting down (which Tony believed) whenever she was around, but alone, he was fairly friendly.

“You boys want some candy?” Barton asked seriously, but his eyes were smiling.

“Uh, mom told me not to talk to strangers.” Tony said and the officers laughed.

“Hm, but how else would you make friends?” Loki quipped, which earned another laugh from the officers. Tony was starting to feel like a third wheel - well, he always felt like a third wheel whenever the two officers were nearby. He always got the feeling that they’d probably make out in front of him if they could, which wasn’t totally gross at all. They were just that close.

Tony listened to the officers exchange a few more jokes between them and forced a smile whenever one of them looked at him. It was nauseating to sit through. Here he was, a murderer, the evidence of his crime strapped to his back, and he had to casually chat with the police. They had absolutely no clue what was in the duffel bag. To them, he was just Tony Stark, a college student. They once said he was adorable, charming, and an all-around good guy even though he had quite the mouth on him most times. He wondered how that would change.

He felt Loki’s eyes on him. Tony glanced over to his left to catch the faint crease between Loki’s brows. His manager had his shoulders hunched, chin low, and looked away when he noticed Tony’s attention. He was trying to make himself appear smaller, Tony noted. There was a minute twitch in his hands, so Tony reached over and held one. Loki’s palms were practically ice, inhumanly cold, and Tony came to a sudden epiphany.

Loki was an excellent actor. He wasn’t as okay with murdering people as he pretended to be. He was just as anxious as Tony was.

“Hey, shouldn’t you two be at the Krusty Krab right now?” Barton said to them as he wiped some tears from his eyes. “Is Steve in today? He makes the best American Krabby Supreme, like, ever. He’s the only one who can really manage to fit everything on a patty and package it.”

Fuck Steve’s American Krabby Supreme - Tony could make that just as well! Well, he could make it well enough. Barely, really, if he was going to be honest. Okay, he absolutely sucked at the American Krabby Supreme, but to his defense, it was known as the most complicated item on the menu. He was still bitter over the fact that he failed miserably the one time Barton ordered it while he was on grill. He ended up spilling lettuce and bacon all over the officer while handing over his order. Steve remade the order, and it was perfect. Tony’s ego would never recover. Fuck Steve.

“He’s sick,” Loki said, voice smooth as ever, “We just came out here to tend to some business but ended up stranded after an argument with our ride.”

“That’s interesting,” Natasha hummed. “Well, hop in, we’ll give you a lift since we were heading there anyway.”

“Thank you. Do you mind if Tony puts his bag in your trunk?”

“Yeah, what’s in there?” Barton asked and Romanoff clicked a button to pop open the trunk. “Looks heavy. You need help with that?”

“He’s fine,” Loki said too quickly and both of the officers narrowed their eyes. He backtracked, “He’s young, he can handle it. It’s just some bottles of soda that my father imported from Norway. He wants to incorporate it with a new menu. Did you know that Odin is finally making the decision to renovate the Krusty Krab and make the franchise classier? It’ll be actual seafood...”

Loki let go of Tony’s hand so he could climb into the car, leaving Tony to lug the body into the trunk. He slipped through the mud a couple of times but managed to fit the body in. He then proceeded to slide into the backseat of the car and listened to where the conversation had gone. Loki was telling a story about his brother when he was a child, but ended it to give Tony instructions.

“Tony, when we get back to the restaurant, I want you to take those bottles of soda and throw them in the freezer. Go around back; it’s easier to get in since the door is already open.”

Tony nodded. He was starting to feel something creep to the back of his throat again.

“How’s MIT treating you, Tony? It must be hard for you, especially if you’re still on bad terms with your father, right?” Romanoff started.

Tony wanted to gouge his eyes out next,because this was not a topic he wanted to cover. He hated when people brought Howard up. He also hated how that part of his life was public and he was now the estranged son of an infamous genius. It already turned too many heads in the restaurant whenever the news brought up the story of their fight to garner some views.

“School’s alright.”

There was a moment of pause where she waited for him to elaborate; he was turned off from any sort of conversation. Howard always killed his mood. He stared out the window, allowing his eyes to go dull, and mind quiet as the conversation topic turned to his personal-public issues. Tony made a few disinterested hums and comments to keep up with the conversation, but all in all, he drowned it out along with the creeping sense of panic again. He didn’t notice Loki’s gaze this time, or how his manager asked for a change in topic.

The car fell silent.

**October 15, 2015 – 1:22:19 pm**

“Do it or you’re fired.”

“You wouldn’t fire me over this,” Tony rolled his eyes. “I don’t know about this, boss’. It’s more gross than funny.”

And evil as hell. It’d be easier to just tell the guy to leave, for goodness sake’s. But no, they had to entertain Loki’s sick humor. Loki stared at him with a freshly cooked patty dangled in his bare hand. After a few moments of silence, he shook his head and let the patty drop to the floor.

“Bruce was pretty gross but we kept him around.”

“Hey! Not funny,” Tony watched his manager step on it next. Loki spread the burger grease all over the floor, moving his foot in wide circles to really get the dirt in there. “We don’t even know for sure if he’s a ‘fake’ inspector.”

“Come on Tony,” it was Loki’s turn to roll his eyes. “That much cologne? The long hair, the scuffed shoes? The surprise inspection after we had a series of inspections? He’s not a real health inspector.”

“Okay, only one of those was a legit argument.”

“Stark. We worked our asses off for that food we served him, did we not? He deserves this.”

He was right, they did work their asses off for such short notice. His hands were actually cramped from how fast he was multitasking and the tables in the restaurant never looked so good. The guy was probably the fake inspector, given the circumstances, and just how strange he was. He never had an inspector like him. That couldn’t be a coincidence at all.

“It’s so wrong,” Tony said dramatically and grabbed a container of pepper from the side grill. He ripped off the top and dumped the whole thing onto the patty. Loki chuckled and lathered it in. “But it feels so good!”

“I think I have some extra lube in my office,” Loki suggested and ran to go get it.

“I’ll drop it in the toilet really quick!” Tony called after him and picked the nasty thing up with some tongs.

He dipped it in a bathroom toilet and scrubbed it around the rim for good measure. He rendezvoused with Loki, who had brought the lube and some used condoms for good measure. They placed the patty on a bun and lathered the objects in. Then Tony opened the fridge and dug to the back for some old food to use. He added on lettuce that was growing it’s own city, olives, expired ketchup, some brown avocado, peppers, mayonnaise, coffee, pickles, green cheese, and a slice of cake.

Loki stopped him, “Why cake?”

“It’ll bring out the olives, trust me. The delicate icing compliments the sweetness of the mayo, and paired with my godly cum, it’ll taste just like tiramisu. Trust me, I’m a fry cook.”

“Okay then, Ramsey,” Loki snorted. “This is the nastiest thing I have ever seen.”

It was surprising that Loki was able to stomach the monstrosity, what with him being a total snob in multiple areas. The man kept his nails painted black and his face clean shaven. Loki’s uniform was always pressed and stark. He was the last person who’d purposely make such an unsanitary beast.

“May I introduce you to our new child, Loki?” Tony said and shot him a toothy grin. “I’ll let you name her.”

“Ah, of course. She shall be called the ‘nasty patty’ and live forever in our hall of infamy.” Loki said solemnly. “Tony, please deliver our daughter to our patient customer. I’m sure he’ll be ecstatic to meet her.”

“Of course, my prince,” Tony said with a mock bow and ignored his manager’s scoff that he’d actually be a king.

Tony grabbed the plate and quickly made his way to the inspector, the man staring at his table with a dazed expression. Tony ignored the slight shivers in his spine (he was so creepy!) and gave the man his food.

“Bon appetit! I made it special just for you,” Tony winked. The inspector waved him off, which was rude, and Tony scuttled back into the kitchen.

Loki was already watching the inspector through the order window. He let Tony slide on his left side, and gave his butt a little pinch. Tony raised his brows but didn’t say anything. He wrote it off as another ‘Loki thing’ and turned his focus to the inspector. They both waited.

A few minutes ticked by before Barnes finally picked the burger up. He brought it to his lips slowly. Tony and Loki leaned forward, waiting for it. They waited half a minute, and then, the inspector took a big bite. He immediately started coughing.

The two bursted into a frenzy.

“Ha! Look at that idiot!” Loki laughed. He made a few sweeping gestures, eyes bulging slightly like a maniac. “That’s what you get, asshole! Trying to get free food from me?!”

“Jesus, that’s so gross,” Tony held on to Loki because he was laughing so hard, not at the ‘prank’, but more at Loki’s reaction. Loki looked like a child who was too pleased with himself. He wrapped an arm around Tony and kept throwing profanities at the inspector, who entered a violent coughing fit, through the window.

It went on for a few more minutes until the coughing stopped. The quieted down at the sudden silence. Tony looked back at the table to see the inspector eerily still, face down on the table. His hair was soaking in a puddle of drool, the remnants of the nasty patty in the center of the table. The air was too still.

“Uh...Loki...I don’t think he’s breathing.”

“Barnes?” Loki called. There was no answer.

“Oh my god, we killed him Loki!”

His vision blurred and he held on to Loki with a tighter grip. The ground felt like it disappeared from under his feet.

“Oh shit,” his manager shook his head. “Not again.”

What?!

“‘Not again’?!”

“Shit.”

**October 15, 2015 – 3:42:49 pm**

“Tell me about your father,” Loki said as he stirred his tea and looked out the window. There were dark clouds starting to swirl in the sky and a harsh wind picked up, rattling the leaves of trees. Tony clenched his jaw and watched his manager for a moment. This was obviously a distraction.

“I mean, what do you want to know? He’s an asshole. End of story.”

They were in a shabby diner about ten minutes away from the Krusty Krab. The body was in a duffel bag underneath their feet. No one asked about it, though they did get a few curious looks from a couple of the other patrons.

“But you miss him, don’t you?”

“No,” Tony said quickly. He sighed and then repeated, with more force, “No. I miss the mansion, yeah, but I don’t need his money. I don’t like being handed things.”

“Y’know, that’s actually one thing I can never understand about you, Stark.” Loki twirled his spoon around with those long, manicured hands. He then pointed it right at Tony from across the booth. “There’s no shame in taking it. It’s your birthright. We all know Howard isn’t going to be around for much longer, and all that money will go directly to you. You should be happy that you don’t have to compete with anyone for it. You’re an only child...that must be heaven.”

“I don’t like being handed things,” Tony repeated slowly and drummed his fingers on the tabletop. “As long as Howard is around, I’m not asking him for any help. At all. I’ll make my own way.”

“Flipping burgers? Hm, let me know how that goes,” Loki sighed.

“Oh, don’t give me that! You’re flipping burgers too!” His manager slightly startled from his sudden change in volume. A couple sitting two booths down from them gave them a concerned look; Tony sent them an apologetic smile. In a more controlled voice, “What about you, hm? Tell me about your father. Tell me about how your brother is running the whole damned company while you’re over here being a grunt and serving lemonade. Is that your ‘birthright’?”

Loki just stared at him darkly for a moment, eye twitching at Tony’s retort. But then he relaxed his shoulders and sipped at his tea.

“Fuck you.”

“Yeah, don’t talk about Howard. Period.”

Loki simply shrugged and nodded, leaving him alone. The message was clear that it was a subject that aggravated the hell out of Tony. Everyone was always poking Tony, asking all about Howard. It was always Howard. What about Tony? He existed too, thank you very much. He was independent.

“I, uh, I’m sorry,” Loki said after a pause. “Today has been stressful. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“It’s cool.” Tony shrugged. They needed to talk about the pressing issue of the day, the body they were currently having a quick meal over. Tony tried to harden his heart so he could keep his food down. “We need to talk about fixing this mess, Loki. No more stalling.”

“Don’t worry, I have a plan. This isn’t the first time I’ve done this, as you know. I know a good place to bury it where no one will find it.”

“I’d hate to know what you do in your free time,” Tony shook his head. This was insane, but because Tony didn’t have a better plan that didn’t involve turning himself in, he’d have to put his trust in Loki. “So who’d you do in the first time? The fry cook before me?”

He said it in a mocking tone but Loki stared down at his tea as if he was taking the quip seriously. The black haired man swirled his drink around a couple of times before taking a sip. Tony watched him and Loki held his gaze.

“I was on the board when it happened,” Loki said after another pause. Their waitress approached their table to set down their plates. Loki poked at his fries and burger idly. “Got a nice paycheck, made some friends out in Paris, was going to go do fashion like I wanted to. Of course, father didn’t like that. He doesn’t like the idea of a man with artistic taste. Actually, he doesn’t like anything I’m interested in. I’m a disgrace in his eyes.”

Tony took a bite out of his burger and refused to say anything. He wasn’t sure where this was going. His manager continued on, as if he wasn’t expecting a reply anyway.

“He always had a preference for Thor. Thor has always been able to do his job well, is likeable, very masculine, just the perfect son in Odin’s eyes. I think I was just as efficient as Thor, but that doesn’t matter. I’m actually adopted, so I know I’ll never be equal to my brother in Odin’s eyes. I was going to leave for Paris one night and do what I always wanted since I never got approval from work.”

“But something happened.”

“Yeah. I was on my way to the airport after a huge argument with my family. I was very...distraught. Wasn’t in my right mind. I was just getting off the bus when a man tried to mug me. He pulled out a gun and pointed it right in my face.”

Tony’s eyes widened. He wanted to say something, finally had an idea where this was going, but his throat felt sticky.

“Let’s just say that it pissed me off. We had a little fight and I ended it. Shot him dead with his own gun,” Loki nodded slowly, tone very matter-of-fact. “I don’t regret shooting him, Tony. I had to save myself, and between the two of us, he had to die.”

Loki watched Tony carefully, green eyes flicking over him to observe the slight fear and nausea Tony felt. Tony thumped his foot against the duffel bag under the table and wanted to vomit. The events of the previous hour rushed back at him, and the world blurred for a second.

“I do regret making my family sad, however,” Loki continued because he wasn’t done with his story. “Mother and Thor cried. Odin was disgusted with me, but my mother convinced him not to cut me off from the family - at least completely. I was demoted to a lowly manager of one of our hell holes.”

“Poor you,” Tony said a little too harshly. He was conflicted. On one hand, he could understand where Loki was coming from. He hated to admit it, but put in the same situation, he probably would do the same. But where they differed, and the other side to this, was that Tony wouldn’t be able to sleep at night. How could Loki say he didn’t feel at least something for the person he killed with such a straight face? And to feel sorry for the wrong reasons?

Also, the implication that Loki hid the man’s body somewhere and walked off rubbed Tony the wrong way. The Odinsons knew about this murder, but it was obviously kept a secret. Hushed, because Loki was never arrested; Tony was sure of it. His manager watched him with a frown, as if he was upset that Tony wasn’t giving him a hug and an “it’s okay!”.

“You’re not going to tell anyone, correct?”

Tony sighed, “Of course not. That’d be turning myself in too, you know. I’m too pretty to go to prison.”

“Me too. Trust me, okay? I have some experience with this, I can handle it.”

“That was only one body though,” Tony said, shaking his head. “Haven’t you seen CSI before? One is more than enough, two starts a trail. What if you’re pushing your luck here?”

Loki just stared at Tony. The corner of his lip twitched and he chuckled nervously.

“About that - ”

“Are you crazy?!” Tony exploded and the rest of the diner whipped their heads towards them. Loki held a finger to his lips but Tony didn’t give a damn. “What is wrong with you?! What do you do in your free time, damnit?!”

“I made some mistakes, okay? That was forever ago. I had some bad nights and issues, but all of that is fixed. I promise, I just had to handle a couple of bodies.”

More like a whole graveyard, Tony snorted as his feet thumped against the duffel bag. Loki was a confirmed serial killer. Even better was that he had been fucking said serial killer and helped him kill an innocent man doing his job. Tony Stark’s life was just amazing! What did he do to deserve this?

**October 15, 2015 – 7:21:29 pm**

Tony tried to open the back door to the freezer, but the damned thing was jammed shut. He jiggled the doorknob in frustration. It broke it off in his hands. Shit! He was, without a doubt, the worst criminal there ever was. His luck was absolutely terrible and now they were going to get caught because the freezer decided to be a piece of shit and not open. Wonderful! He deserved an award for trying.

He ended up dragging the duffel bag to the front door. The two officers were inside, chatting with Loki by the cash register. Through the glass door, Tony could see that they were laughing, but then Loki glanced over to him and spotted the bag. A split second fear flashed across his manager’s face. Romanoff noticed it. Her eyes flicked to Tony and she frowned.

He walked in with a toothy smile. Luckily, the officers were the only customers in the restaurant. Unfortunately, they were officers and had the ability to arrest them for murder. An audience wouldn’t matter.

“Hello Tony,” Loki said stiffly. “I thought I told you to put those bottles of soda in the freezer?”

“The door’s locked,” Tony nodded towards Barton. “I’ll be behind the grill in a second. I can’t do it as good as Steve, but American Krabby Supreme, right?”

“Not this time, kid. I’m just thirsty today. How about you hand me one of those sodas you got there? I’d love to try one.”

Tony’s blood froze and he knew the officers definitely knew what was going on. They were too good at their job. Unfortunately, Tony was horrible at keeping suspicion off of them. Usually he was a pretty good liar, but that was for things that didn’t matter, like when he lied to Pepper about getting alcohol poisoning that one time. She had no clue what happened until Bruce spilled the beans during their chemistry lab. Tony was excellent at covering things up, except this. Murder was not something that settled well in his poor innocent stomach.

“I’m sorry, we can’t do that,” Loki raised a brow. “We’re stocking up for the renovations and father will be taking inventory. They’re also warm, pineapple-guava, and cost at least thirty dollars a piece. Let me just get you something from the fountain.”

Really? Pineapple-guava? He shot Loki a look of which his manager returned with a sharp glare. Loki was trying to get him to shut up and just roll with his fib. Tony believed his choice of flavor was too exotic, but whatever. Must be a new fad the kids were into.

“Why would you stock ‘pineapple-guava soda’? I’m pretty sure that’s against the laws of nature,” Barton laughed it off and accepted a cup of coke.

“Well, Officer, Odin believes in introducing some new and exotic flavors to the region. He believes it’s about time we imported some luxuries from the Nordic regions of Europe, but I think it’s a bit of a stretch if you ask me. Too much money is being spent on drinks we’ll charge people a couple of dollars for!” Loki said, “Tony, be a dear and put those in the back already, please? We need to get the grill running for these lovely officers.”

Loki gestured towards the back and Tony hurried past them.

The freezer was a giant room with large crates of patties sitting around like a maze. Tony marched right to the spot they hid the body the first time, a hollowed out space between two rows of crates and the wall. The space was slightly big for the duffel bag so he carefully started to unzip it. The thought of seeing the body again gave him shivers, especially considering whatever decay occurred in the last hour. But surprisingly, there was no smell, and the body looked exactly the way it did when the guy died. Barnes looked like he was asleep in his own hideaway.

Tony paused for a moment at the thought of the body freezing over again and shivered. He was just not cut out for this work, why did his life have to suck so much? He decided the body was deep enough in the freezer, and hidden from direct sight. It was the best he could do for now.

He returned out front and stood besides Loki.

“Everything is taken care of,” he whispered softly. “They’re on ice again.”

“Stop being so suspicious, Tony. You look like you’re passing a kidney stone.”

“That bad?”

“Hey, can I have some ice in my soda?” Romanoff piped up, interrupting their whispered conversation. She held up her uncovered cup of coca cola and quirked an eyebrow. “The ice isn’t working out here, can you go get some from the freezer?”

“Yes! Sure, I will go get ice,” Tony tried to still his shaking hands. “Be right back - ”

“What are you two hiding?” Barton interrupted. “Be honest with me here, I can read lips.”

“Well, I, uhm...well -” Tony started babbling before Loki could say anything.

“I know what’s up!” Romanoff exclaimed and pointed her finger at them. “You two are romantically involved and you don’t want us to know because of your positions! I saw you two holding hands earlier and the way you look at each other.”

“Please don’t tell anyone!” Loki threw his hands up. Tony caught on quickly and nodded in confirmation. He even shed a couple of tears, of course for the act, not because he was actually metaphorically peeing in my pants. “Especially not my father. He will fire Tony if he finds out! He is my everything, I don’t want him taken away from me! Surely you understand love, Mrs. Romanoff?”

“I - ”

“Please! I love him, I’m begging you!” Loki yelled and threw himself around Tony. Tony clung on to him and buried his face in his manager’s chest. Loki sobbed, “I love him so much!”

“Calm down, guys. We’re not going to say anything,” Romanoff said softly, but there was a glint in her eyes. She looked like a smug cat. “Though it’s entirely inappropriate,  mind you, we can overlook it for now.”

“You can eat here for free,” Loki said.

“Deal.”

“How long have you two been together?” Clint asked.

Apparently five seconds ago.

“Five months,” Tony said. He wiped at his tears and sniffed. Clint whistled.

“What’s really in the bag?” Romanoff asked next. Her eyes kept flickering between the two of them. Loki pressed a kiss to Tony’s cheek and she practically purred.

“Sex toys,” Tony continued as Loki snorted. Tony was running on autopilot now and didn’t want to stop. “Uh, well, chains and whips. Some weird kinky stuff, you know? We just didn’t want you guys to know about it because it’s pretty personal. Loki’s a total freak and doesn’t want anyone to know about it. He bought me a collar, that’s why we were out. We’re trying some BDSM out.”

“Oh! I understand that, I’m sorry. You guys gotta’ let me look over your equipment then if you’re just beginning,” Romanoff said. Tony felt yet another rush of panic - his day was just a rollercoaster, he was probably going to die from the stress. “We can help you two out. You both know negotiation, safety, and consent right?”

“Oh there’s no need to go back there! We’re fine,” Loki said.

“I insist.” She moved towards the back door. Tony broke away from Loki and jumped in front of the entrance in panic. He could hear Loki sighing in the background.

“What are you doing Stark?!” she yelled and shoved him aside. “It’s okay, there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“You can’t go in there, you’re not allowed. We’re painting the floors!”

“What?! What the hell is really going on here?”

“Tony, please calm down,” Loki said and held Tony’s shaking body. He was really losing it now, the air too heavy and his stomach on fire. He was hyperventilating and Loki was rubbing his back. It made things worse, Tony felt his throat close up. He fell to the floor. “Tony! He’s having a panic attack, please move back officers. He needs some space!”

“Panic attack over what?! Tell us the truth this time! What are you hiding?”

“You two are acting like you committed a murder.” Barton narrowed his eyes.

And that was when Tony finally cracked.

“We killed the health inspector!! We killed him and hid his body in the freezer!!” Tony screamed, “I’m so sorry we didn’t mean to! But Loki hated his cologne and long hair, which doesn’t make sense because Loki wears cologne and long hair! It was just a joke!”

“What the living hell?!” Barton yelled.

“It wasn’t Tony’s fault!” Loki said quickly and kept his hands on Tony. “I did it. I killed our health inspector. I put him in the freezer and I was the one who tried to cover it all up. I did it; arrest me. But please leave Tony Stark alone for he had no responsibility in the matter.”

“The body is back there?” Romanoff said. Her voice was steady, expression completely blank of any emotion.

The back door flew open with a loud bang and everyone in the room jumped at the sudden movement. The officers drew their weapons. Loki pushed Tony behind him. Time stopped. Then a low groan filled the room, and out stepped Mr. Barnes the health inspector. The man stretched his arms to the ceiling and let out a yawn, shaggy hair covering his face.

Tony was so sure that he was looking at an apparition that his own anxiety invented, but after a quick glance around the room, he knew they could see the inspector too. Everyone looked on with wide eyes as the inspector ran a hand through his hair.

“What happened? How long was I out?” Barnes said after a few moments of silence.

“Is this a fucking joke?” Barton’s eyes darted between the two employees and the inspector. He adjusted the hearing aid in his ear before turning to Romanoff. She was too busy glaring at Loki, quirked brow demanding an explanation from the manager.

“We thought we killed him,” Loki said slowly.

“What? How? I think I just passed out. It happens a lot,” Barnes rubbed the back of his neck. “A little gift from my military days.”

“Wait a minute. You thought you killed him,” Romanoff said slowly, “And your reaction was to try to hide the body instead of calling emergency services?”

“Holy shit,” Tony whimpered. His nerves just couldn’t take it.

**October 20, 2015 – 3:00:11 pm**

“Uhm,” The girl in front of the cash register paused and twirled her dyed blue hair around her finger. She batted her eyes at Tony when she finished scanning her eyes across the menu. “What would you suggest?”

“Number three. Are you paying with cash or credit?” Tony said automatically and bent down to grab the customer a drink.

She rested her breasts on the counter and her batted her eyes as he swiped her card, but Tony didn’t notice. He wondered if Loki would come out of his office any time soon. Well, if he was in there. Tony hadn’t seen him come in for the day, and when he asked Steve if the dark haired manager was present, the blond just shrugged. Steve then asked about the murder fiasco of the other night and Tony had to leave because he did not want to be reminded of what happened.

Their little “murder scare” was the talk of the town and Odin refused to close their location because it was “good publicity” for the Krusty Krab. A lot of people stopped by to gawk at the employees while others threatened to investigate their criminal records and press a lawsuit on behalf of the City Health Inspector Union. It was scary, yes, but still good publicity because they were making money! The place was packed; people were eating; Tony could smell a promotion coming. Plus, his face was plastered on not only the local news, but the national, both detailing how he was going down a downward spiral! He was totally enjoying the attention! He loved being assigned to cash register for the reporters to eat him right up!

Pepper had yelled at him over the phone. Not for not murdering the guy, but more for how their reaction was to cover it up. Rhodey was also on the line and mirrored Pepper’s concerns, but in a more casual tone. Tony sort of wished he was the one who died - well “died” - that night. It was all too much noise.

“Hey, you’re a serial killer right?”

The customer’s question snapped his attention back, and he wondered why she was still there. He must have handed her the food because she held a take-out bag in one fist.

“I don’t mean it in a bad way,” she said and slipped him a folded napkin. “I think your kind is just misunderstood, y’know? It’s tragic. Your father’s neglect over the years turned you into a villain. But you’re not really a villain, you know? Here’s my number. You should call me.”

Tony gritted his teeth. If he wasn’t working and his depended on this paycheck, he would snark her to straight to whatever high heaven there was. He wanted to snap at her so bad, but he knew he couldn’t. Fast food was strict with customer service and one slip-up could land in him trouble. He opened his mouth to kindly ask her to leave, but then he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Tony Stark is not a serial killer. The inspector went home that night to his family and the police can confirm this. Please leave my employee alone before I have you arrested for harassment.”

She huffed away and they stood in silence for a moment.

Loki slowly slid his hand off of Tony and leaned in so that his face was next to Tony’s ear. Time slowed down and Tony could feel a dozen gazes from behind the counter.

“I need you in my office. Can you take a break…please?” he whispered, the last word just a breath. Tony could hear his own heart.

“I’ll be right there, boss man.”

Tony locked up the register and followed his boss into the office. Loki took his place behind his desk, but Tony leaned against the doorframe and ignored the chair he usually sat in. They didn’t say anything, Loki refused to make eye contact. What was weird was Tony really wanted him to.

“You’re not saying anything,” Tony started. “Say something, stop making things awkward.”

“I’m sorry. Things got out of hand and I made some poor choices. I know saying that doesn’t make anything better.”

“Look, it’s cool, okay? Everything is fine. You did me a real solid for taking the blame. Thank you.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Tony. It was all me.”

“I helped you try to cover up a body! I’m part of this crime,” Tony stepped forward until he was leaning over the desk, and inches away from his manager’s face. Loki finally met his eyes. “I’m a big boy, okay? I’m responsible for my actions.”

Loki sniffed, “You must hate me.”

“A little bit. Really just for being a drama queen and blowing things out of proportions, but it’s kind of endearing. Just a little bit, mind you. I can’t hate you for trying to help.”

“You are such an idiot,” Loki closed his eyes and shook his head. Tony couldn’t help but crack a grin. “I’m serious. You should hate me. I am not a good person.”

“Neither am I, but my good looks make up for that.”

Loki was smiling now. He bridged the gap between the two and pressed his lips to Tony. Tony leaned in and kissed him. And kissed him.

“Come to Paris with me,” Loki breathed as he pulled back for air. Tony blinked.

“What?”

“You and me. I’m resigning and I bought two tickets last night. Let’s go to Paris. You hate your life. I hate my life. There’s nothing left for us here. Let’s fly to Paris.”

“Woah that’s...that’s big Lokes…I don’t even know what we are?” Tony ran a hand through his hair and Loki pulled him in for a quick peck on the lips. “Buy me dinner first, meet my mom, y’know before we jump right to flying to Paris on a whim. Wouldn’t your dad get angry at that?”

“He’s always angry at me, there’s no point in even caring anymore. Don’t you see? This is my way out of this hell hole. It can be your way out too. What do you have left here anyway? Besides school and stress? All that judgement you feel from being Howard’s son? You can leave that and start a new life.  I can take care of you or land you a better job than burger flipping. Point is, we have an opportunity.”

“You are insane,” Tony said slowly.

But the offer was too good to pass up. He could leave and finally get away for a while. He needed his own space and time to think, which was definitely not going to happen any time soon. Maybe he would return once things calmed down or if something happened to Howard. Loki was also not too bad, Tony admitted. He was hot and witty, but also a serial killer, but for (supposedly) good reasons. They got along relatively well before the incident and bonded during it. The idea of Tony just walking away from Loki didn’t appeal to him. There was something about the manager that Tony couldn’t place his finger on that was just so...addicting. An enigma, because Tony did not see an offer to live in Paris coming at all.

“Come with me,” Loki pressed. He licked his lip and Tony followed the movement with his eyes. Tony made up his mind.

“Can we have a couple of dogs?”

“We can have a dog. A small dog, because I don’t want to pick up after anything higher than my knee.”

“It’s not a real dog if it’s that’s small!”

“Fine, whatever you want. You’re taking care of it regardless.”

This time Tony leaned in for a kiss. Yeah, Loki wasn’t too bad at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Art: http://lomezzo.tumblr.com/post/133064409694/my-first-contribution-to-the-2015-frostiron


End file.
